Zoë Calamity: The last word in little girls.

While holding up a slinky  – one end in each hand.

“Momma! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a little girl down on the sidewalk, and she looked up at the window and I was holding this and it would look like a rainbow, and she would smile? That would be happiness. I think that silver is the color of happiness for me.”

and

“Momma, when I have children, we will have three days when we don’t do anything. And then on Mondays we will have preschool. And on three days we will go places. Like adventures. But Momma! Who will be my children???”

Two recent conversations with Zoe:

A dog barks outside.
Z: “That sounds like a fire dog!”
Me: “A dalmatian?”
Z: “No, I’m talking about a dog.”
Me: “Dalmatians are the kinds of dogs that fire fighters have.”
Z: “No, dalmatians are things we drive in.”
Me: “What?”
Z: “Like cars and buses and scooters and things.”
Me: “Ah, you’re thinking of transportation.”

And…
explaining this keychain to Audrey:

“Tiny, this is the story of this book. George Washington was a boy who lived in Washington DC. He LOVED to play Jazz.”

Today was Z’s last day of preschool for the year. She’s looking forward to swimming lessons and reading lessons this summer.

And here she is, pretty little thing:

Zoë is what some might call an active sleeper. On the nights when Audrey is causing a fuss and Z sleeps in our bed, I really do enjoy starting off my day by hearing her little voice say “good morning, daddy”. One thing I’m not a big fan of is her fist and feet of fury during the night. I have no idea how such a little thing can take up the entirety of a king size bed. (Granted, that sentence holds true for mother and daughter.  Last night, when I went to get in bed, here is how I found Zoë:

Once again, thanks to my new flash for helping me get this pic without waking Z

Zoe: Oh MOTHER.
Me: Excuse me?
Zoe: I said, Oh Mother.
Me: Who says that? Where did you hear it?
Zoe: It’s like Pooh bear says. But he says, “Oh Father”.
Me: No…. he says, “Oh bother”.
oe: Oh. I’m sorry.

Cross posted on Momma’s site.

Cross posted on Z’s blog.

Today in the car, Z and I had the following conversation, with Bruce getting in the car and joining part way through. Imagine me trying really hard not to crack up the whole time.

Z: Momma, there’s something in my nose!
M: What is it?
Z: I think it’s a nose nut.
M: A nose nut?
Z: Yeah.
M: How did it get in there?
Z: It got on a nut airplane and flew to my nose.
M: Really? I had no idea they could do that.
Z: Yeah. They go in every kind of girl’s noses. And then fingers come and get them out.
M: And how do they feel about that?
Z: Well….. they’re angry.
M:What do you do with a nose nut after you take it out of your nose?
Z: Put it in my pocket. I keep it in my pocket. Then it is happy.
B: Wasn’t it happy in your nose?
Z: Yes.
B: Then why did you take it out?
Z: So I have more air in my nose.

And there you have it.

Zoe’s newest passion is Kai Lan, as in Ni Hao Kai Lan. On the show, there’s always a lesson that’s sung to the same kind of tune each episode.  For example: “If you’re trying something new, and it’s really hard to do, just…. take… it… slow!” or “If you make something new, and a friend copies you, that just means that they really… like it.. too!”.

So today at lunch, I sang Zoe a song along the same lines about eating her lunch.

She said: ” No mama, this is the pizza song. ‘If you have some pizza, you say I eat it!’. She followed that up with, “If you don’t have no pizza, you say, Waaaaaah! I want pizza!’ ”

Wherein she clearly and succinctly captures the pathos of her generation. I’m impressed.

1) So, as a follow up to the last post, today Zoe was playing and I heard her say “double crack!”. I asked, “Zoe, did you just say crack?”. In complete innocence she looked up and said, “No, I say double crack”.  What can you say to that?

2) She just came out of her room riding her huge giraffe stuffed animal that is almost as tall as she is. When I say riding, I mean hopping, because she was straddling it and hopping along with it underneath her, saying “hop. hop. hop” as she went. As she got out to me she said, “See momma? This is my giraffe hopper 3000″. Thank you Wubbzy for introducing the idea of inventions ending in 3000.

3) She just came out again with a stroller full of animals who she introduced as Chips the monkey, Siachips the penguin, Bindas the baby, Bobos the dog, Diadas the gorilla and another name I didn’t catch. Surprisingly, none of them were named Sookie, which is the name she usually goes for.  Now she’s in her room repeating the name Siachips over and over.  It’s eeriely reminiscent of the Asimov story Zero Hour, where the kids are all friends with an alien invader that all of their parents assume is just an imaginary friend……

Little Miss Zoë was just sent to bed without reading time because she used a bad word that she learned from her potty mouthed mother.

What word, you ask?
“Crack”

That’s right, “crack”. She overheard Maryanne say “crap” and started imitating it. Maryanne was trying to get Zoë out of the tub and Z looked at her and with a snarl said “CRACK”!

Pretty funny stuff.

She actually has a history with this. When we told her that she shouldn’t say “crack”, she made up her own word “robock” that she used instead. It’s interesting to see these formative years of vulgarity.

Zoë (in a dramatic drawl): Mommy….I’m sad
Maryanne: It’s ok baby, just don’t make a big deal about it

Zoe can say pretty much anything she wants to, but she has some made up words that she uses pretty consistently. (Remember the Eckhart debacle? Similar.)  The two she uses most often:

Yiicanyou! This is always said very enthusiastically, and often to herself in the mirror. It’s as though it’s an affirmation of some kind. Sometimes it becomes yiicanme, but not often.

Robock.  We’re fairly sure this is her version of a swear word. Not like a mutation of an existing swear word- her own word that she uses when she’s frustrated at someone.  If you tell her to do something, or more usually, to stop doing something. and she doesn’t agree, she’ll stare you down and say “Robock!” very sternly. We thought she was saying “robot”, but when we asked her what it meant she said it meant “oh no”, which is what we were telling her was the phrase she needed to use instead of

Crack! which is her version of the word “crap”. Which  is my fault that she knows. In my defense, I use it nowhere near as often as she does, and I stopped using it completely when I heard her say Crack! for the first time.